We Are Mortal, Aren't We?

On Tuesday one friend's spouse committed suicide and on Saturday a dear couple found their adult son cold and stiff on the basement's concrete floor. I have been with both sets of families listening to stories about their loved ones and holding them as they grieve. Families and friends are gathering to share their favorite memories of Russ and Matt. Services are on this Sunday for Russ and Tuesday morning for Matt. Over the days and nights we look at photos, tell stories, but underlying it all is an unrelenting ache for Russ and Matt. They should be here to hold and to love. In each home articles of clothing, still computers, and pet dogs sniffing around the home for Russ or for Matt elicit thoughts of them. Sights, sounds, and smells conjure up different times shared, but tainted with the fear of losing them, too. Denial, anger, bargaining, and overriding sorrow tumble inside each of us, sometimes taking turns, sometimes one dominating the moment. Nights are restless, days filled with things to be decided, arranged, and paid for.

Part of my passion is encouraging people, and showing them their talents and strengths. So I was glad to find this Goethe quote: "Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men."
To keep balanced I also look for humor. These from Shakespeare are a couple that make me smile. They are clever and aren't directed at anyone and so they don't hurt or belittle: "He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike." and "I dote on his very absence." Here is a side of Albert Einstein you may be unfamiliar with: "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." And here is another Goethe quote: "We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."

Rock Garden Parenting

Mom was a big influence on me and my seven siblings. In thinking about the subtle ways she taught us, I realize she had a particularly effective one: Mom had a rock garden with a variety of different plants. We marveled at how beautifully she arranged them and how each spring she planned ways to improve her garden, regardless of how wonderful the garden looked the previous year. She shaped the sedum so that it didn't take over the ground where another plant was growing. She added a new plant and moved another to a spot with better drainage or better sunlight. She never gave up on a plant just because it hadn't done well last season. She'd say, "maybe this year it'll grow." And as we grew up and moved out on our own, she'd give us some starter bulbs and pots with seedlings she'd prepared for our own modest gardens.
When we came to visit she'd takes us to her in her garden where she taught us that relationships require weeding and cultivation, that people have different growing seasons, that even beautiful fragrant roses have thorns too, and that cross pollination helps new blooms develop. She taught us that patience and love are as important as food and shelter, and that after we've done our best, we have to leave things in God's hands ...